I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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