im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
