Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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