You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
