ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
