He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
