May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
