I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
