We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
