Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
