she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
