and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
