I heard we made out
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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