Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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