Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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