im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
