exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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