Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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