Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
