I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
