either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
