It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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