I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
