I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
