So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
