what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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