What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
