This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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