Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
