I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
