I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
