Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
