How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize