That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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