i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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