I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
