Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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