we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
