Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize