Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
