we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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