garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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