Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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