i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
