Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
