you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
