So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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