ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
