I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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