i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
