it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
