Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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