just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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