My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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