you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
