I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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