Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
