Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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