you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
