Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
