am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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