im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
