Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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