then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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