...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
