i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
